All He Needs: A MMM Romance (My Truth Book 1) Read online

  But then it got even worse. I met Rick, and for the first time in my life, I wanted to do something really insane. Way more insane than jumping off a mountain or a bridge. I wanted both of them. From the moment Mace had pushed open the door and I’d stepped into the pub on Christmas morning, I’d been riveted. The Italian god carrying lumber for the fire walked in and bent over. Seeing his windswept coal-colored hair sticking up in a spiky mess, that perfect ass and those thick thighs had my body hardening. When he’d come closer and we’d been introduced, I was hard-pressed to hide my raging boner from him. Those whiskey eyes were sharp and intelligent, and coupled with the accent, his whole look was smoking. Then he smiled and, holy shit, I nearly came in my pants.

  I was hooked. On both of them.

  It was almost laughable, wanting not one but two men. Even if they swung that way, I wasn’t exactly the picture of integrity, the boy you’d take home to meet Mom and Dad. And the two of them deserved that, to fall for someone who was worth more than a back-alley fuck. I was rushed blow jobs in club bathrooms, the hookup in someone’s truck with a minor celebrity, while they were fairy tales and romance.

  But none of that stopped my traitorous mind imagining myself between them, or my dick getting hard when I watched them laugh together while we cooked dinner or hung out relaxing after Rick finished work for the day. And hey, in Caden’s world of make-believe, we’d be happy and in love and it’d all be rainbows and unicorns.

  Hell, Ford’s cousin Connor had a boyfriend and a girlfriend. It wasn’t completely impossible, and even if it was, I could dream.

  Right?

  Chapter Two

  Caden

  The bus stopped and I climbed off, stepping down onto the gravel beside the road, breathing in the crisp air as I took in the view of the Remarkables. The towering mountains stood over me like a sentinel watching over the land, the snow hanging low on the slopes, promising a good season. I would love to stay there for the winter, but it wasn’t in the cards. My sister’s baby wasn’t going to wait, and I’d promised to be there for the birth; her baby daddy wasn’t around, and I couldn’t let her go through labor alone. But I was reluctant to leave. Queenstown called to me, and I liked it here, but I was fast running out of time. I would be on a flight home—well, to my sister’s home in Florida—early the next morning.

  On a whim, I decided to stop in at Reef and Ford’s house on my way to Rick’s, unsure whether I’d see them again for a while. Voices carried on the breeze to me as I turned the corner one house away from Ford’s, and I heard his familiar British accent from the front yard. I couldn’t see him yet, the neighbor’s hedge was in the way, so I quickened my pace to catch him and Reef before they went inside or left. But when I heard what Ford said, I hesitated. It sounded like a private conversation, and I didn’t want to intrude.

  “Mace, listen to me. Tell him. Be straight with him. There’s no other way.”

  “He’s gonna hate me, and I don’t want to lose him.”

  Don’t want to lose who? My footsteps faltered. I didn’t want to eavesdrop, but if Mace was upset, I wanted to be there to help. My promise to my sister wasn’t an obligation for me—I couldn’t wait to meet my niece or nephew, but Mace had done so much for me without even realizing it. I was torn, loyalty to my friends and family pulling me to opposite parts of the globe.

  “Mace—” That time it was Reef who spoke, his tone confident but full of warning.

  “I know, I’m being selfish.” There was a pause. I couldn’t see Mace bite his bottom lip, but I pictured him doing it. His nervous habit always revved me up, but that time my libido wasn’t raring to go. My gut was telling me that something was off. “I’m scared, all right? I ended his career, for fuck’s sake.”

  I sucked in a sharp breath, a bucket of ice-cold water dousing me. Dread settled over me like a heavy fog, chilling me to my bones. We were supposed to be friends. I couldn’t lose that. I couldn’t lose him. Disbelief and anger warred within me, but a tiny ray of hope shined too. Until I heard my name, there was a chance it was someone else. Wasn’t there? Maybe?

  Please let me be wrong. Please, not Mace.

  “Caden’s important to me, and I screwed it up. He’ll never forgive me, and now I can’t even man up and tell him. I should’ve sat him down as soon as it happened, before I even reported it, but I’m a chickenshit. Now he’s leaving again, and I’ve waited too long. If I tell him tonight, he’ll walk away and I’ll never have the chance to fix it.”

  My hope shattered, leaving a great gaping void in its place. Like melting snow trickling down the mountain in spring, anger slowly filled me. What the fuck has he done?

  Reef spoke again. “He’ll be pissed, yeah, but what’s the alternative? Don’t tell him? Let him go home clueless?”

  Ford continued on, like he was finishing his partner’s thoughts for him. “The drug test wasn’t random, and it’s not fair to Caden to let him keep thinking it was. You did your job and reported him. It sucks, but he needs to know.”

  I couldn’t listen anymore. Rage bubbled inside me. He’d deceived me, kept a secret that’d destroyed everything I’d worked for. The only thing I could think was why? Why Mace? Why did he do it? Why would he hurt me like that? He’d betrayed me.

  Angry tears sprang to my eyes and I scrubbed them away, furious with myself for letting my emotions show. He’d known I was struggling. He knew what a toll Mom’s death had taken on me, and yet he’d used my private battle to break me. All those moments between us—our entire friendship, the trust I placed in him—crumbled before my eyes, shattering into a million pieces like my heart was.

  Unlike so many others, I thought Mace had stuck with me when the shit with the World Anti-Doping Agency had gone down, but he’d been the one to cause it. Was he getting off on seeing me struggle and flounder? Or was he guilty?

  Then it hit me. How long had Reef and Ford known? Were they all in on it? I’d been surrounded by yes-men since I’d made it big. Everyone wanted something from me, but I thought I’d found some true friends; people who liked me for me. In Mace, I thought I’d found someone who didn’t care whether I won or lost, whether I was even on the pro tour. But that wasn’t the case at all. He’d led me on, betrayed me, and now I had no one. There wasn’t anyone left I could trust.

  Loneliness stabbed through me. The others—my coach, my agent, those “friends” who’d left me in their wake—I could handle, but knowing it was Mace who’d called in the drug testers cut deep.

  I stepped out from behind the hedge and stopped in front of Ford’s house. There they were, standing in the drive only a few feet away from me. Mace looked up, the color draining from his face when my eyes locked with his hazels. I didn’t say a word to him. I couldn’t. Instead, I shook my head and kept walking.

  “C,” he called. When I didn’t answer, he shouted out to me again, his footsteps crunching on the gravel after me.

  “Save it, Mace.” My voice was raw, filled with the emotions I was trying to hold back. I wanted to say so much more, but I couldn’t get the words out without showing him just how hurt I was.

  “Lemme explain,” he begged, grabbing my arm. I didn’t turn. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d broken a piece of me that I didn’t think I could ever get back. His whispered “Please” had me clenching my jaw and shaking my head.

  I pulled out of his grasp and muttered the only word I could. “No.” One step and then another put enough distance between us that I couldn’t feel the heat radiating off his body anymore. Each breath I took was like a sharp knife twisting in my chest, and I struggled with each inhale.

  Then I ran.

  It wasn’t until I’d closed Rick’s front door and was in the safety of his living room that I could breathe again. The silence in the house was cloying, and I’d barely made it up the stairs and into the bedroom I was staying in before I was itching to leave again. There was no way I was sticking around waiting for Mace to get there. Rick would understand
if I left earlier than expected. Maybe.

  I powered up my tablet, clicking on the airline’s link. The sooner I got out of Queenstown, the better. I wouldn’t be able to change my international flight, but at least if I got away, I wouldn’t have to see Mace again.

  I had three hours until my flight to Auckland left. My Uber was on the way, and I just had a few more things to throw into my pack.

  The door banged open and I heard my name on Mace’s lips. I’d fantasized about having that mouth say my name in an entirely different way, but no more. Shoving the last of my stuff in my bag, I zipped it and hauled it onto my shoulders just as Mace walked into my room.

  “Please let me explain,” he murmured. He was hurting, it was obvious, but I couldn’t deal. I had to get out of there.

  “There’s nothing to explain, Mace.” I pushed past him and walked away. It took all my strength to do it, to leave him standing there while anger, hurt, and betrayal coursed through me. I never expected it to be something I’d do.

  I was torn. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but at the same time beg him to explain why.

  The stairs were interminably long, but I finally reached the front door. I paused, my hand on the knob, feeling the weight of his stare against the back of my head. There was more we both needed to say, but I couldn’t. Not then. Maybe one day, when the dust settled and the gaping wound in my chest wasn’t so raw, I’d be able to face him again.

  “Caden,” he begged.

  I leaned my forehead against the door and blew out a breath. Damn, it hurt.

  “Goodbye, Mace.”

  Opening the door, I stepped out into the late afternoon air and shivered. I was cold down to my bones, almost numb with it. Closing the door behind me was hard, but seeing Rick in the drive looking at me with confusion nearly broke me. I didn’t want to leave, not like this, but what choice did I have?

  “You were gonna leave without saying goodbye?” Rick’s voice, deep and smooth like caramel and whiskey—the perfect match to his eyes—spoken in that sexy-as-fuck Italian accent, settled over me. I hadn’t seen him in his helicopter pilot’s uniform before. The olive coveralls wouldn’t be flattering on most people, but it highlighted his broad shoulders and narrow waist. In it, he stole my breath. Something else I couldn’t deal with in that moment.

  “I didn’t want to, Rick, but….” I trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. It hit me then—I had no idea whether I’d ever see him again. Leaving wasn’t temporary this time. I didn’t have a job, didn’t have any real friends. Who knew what I’d end up doing and where it’d be.

  “He told you, didn’t he?”

  My gaze shot up to meet his once more, and I saw sadness in his eyes. The words I wanted to say stuck in my throat. Rick stepped up to me and gave me an awkward hug, my pack getting in the way. My arms wound around his wide back and I clutched tight. His warmth, his strength, wrapped around me, and I breathed deep. He smelled good, something spicy and exotic, something I’d never forget.

  “I’m sorry you’re hurting.” Pulling back, he looked me in the eye. His lips were turned down, his normally bright eyes dull. He looked broken, exactly like me. My leaving was hurting him too. “I understand why you need to get away, but your time here isn’t over. Once your sister and her baby are settled, come back and stay with me. You can make a home here. You could be happy.”

  “You’d want me back in your space again? Even with my socks lying around all over the place?” I teased, trying to lighten the boulder in my stomach. This was the goodbye I wasn’t ready for.

  “What socks?” He smiled and kissed my cheek softly. To everyone else, he kissed both cheeks in that ridiculously charming and uniquely European way, but I received one lingering one and I loved it. “See you in three months. No longer, sì?”

  “I’ll try.” I nodded and stepped away, trying but failing to smile. “Bye, Rick. Thanks for everything.” I had to turn away, and when I did, I saw Mace standing in the doorway, looking just as defeated as I felt.

  Whatever. It was his fucking fault.

  The wall of Florida heat and humidity hit me hard when I stepped out of the airport. It was already hot, even for spring. I looked around, squinting in the bright sun. It didn’t take me long to see my sister’s bright red Jeep—her pride and joy, which she’d named George—parked in the pick-up zone with the trunk open. Annalise leaned against it, her swollen belly stretching her Army T-shirt to the max.

  I waved and moved over to her, watching her casually flip her keys over in her hand. The armed airport policeman who was knocking on car windows making people move off walked around her. She tipped her head at him in acknowledgment and smirked at me. Annalise was a badass, and even though she was about to pop, no one would be stupid enough to mess with her. Years of training in explosive ordinance disposal with the Army made her lethal. Literally. She could blow you into a million pieces in her sleep.

  “Hey, you. Welcome home.” Annalise smiled and hugged me tight, her grip strong. I held her longer than she was probably comfortable with, but I’d missed her and truth be told, I was still smarting from Mace’s news. Leaving early hadn’t helped; it’d just given me a lot of uncomfortable hours to wait in an airport lounge with nothing to do except ruminate on the whys.

  But enough of that. I was home—well, at my sister’s house anyway. My hometown was a long way away from there. Dad had sold everything when Mom died and moved into Annalise’s. He couldn’t handle the memories, and my sister had been expecting to deploy, so he was going to house-sit for her. When her authorization to deploy was pulled because of her pregnancy, Dad stayed. Now there were going to be four of us living together, but at least I’d be with my favorite person in the world.

  I tossed my pack in the trunk and slammed it shut before turning to her. “Look at you, snotface. You’re huge.” I couldn’t help the grin I gave her, chuckling at her angry stare from my teasing. “Whale-sized, even.”

  I knew it was coming, but it still stung when she punched me in the arm. Figuring I might as well push my luck, I held out my hand for the keys.

  Annalise raised her eyebrows and just stared, daring me to piss her off.

  “You shouldn’t be driving,” I told her with as straight a face as possible. “Seriously, women in your condition should really just be preparing for the baby. Resting and, you know, washing and folding those cute little clothes. You’re too fragile in your state. Way too emotional too.”

  My sister stepped up to me, her belly bumping my flat one. She’d squared her shoulders and looked like she was priming for a fight, but her eyes danced with humor. “Do you want me to castrate you? Because seriously, I could do it with my keys. My blunt, rusty keys.”

  “Is there a problem here, ma’am?” the police officer from earlier asked, stepping into our line of sight. I bit back my laugh, unable to suppress my grin.

  Annalise smiled sweetly at him and batted her eyes before saying, “No, sir, my brother’s just asking to get his ass kicked. He called me fat and told me I was too fragile to drive.”

  The dude’s eyes bugged out and he stuttered before looking at me, horrified. I couldn’t help laughing then. My heart was lighter than it had been in a long time. I should’ve come home instead of going to Queenstown. What was I thinking? Hoping I could turn friendship into something more—especially when one of them was built upon a lie—was ridiculous.

  I wrapped my arm around her neck, rubbing my knuckles over her hair. It was pulled back in a slick bun, and she’d really be pissed at me if there were any strands out of place. Even on leave, she was still so obviously military. “You’re beautiful, Anna. No matter how whale-like you look.” I let go of her and stepped away before she could elbow me in the nuts. “Thanks for picking me up. And you do look beautiful. You always do.”

  “Get in, idiot balls.” It was her nickname for me from when she was twelve, and hearing it again made me smile. I stepped forward again and kissed her hair before walking around and opening
the driver door for her, closing it when she’d taken a seat.

  Snapping on my belt, I grinned at her as she pulled into traffic, the growl of the powerful engine impressive. We caught up on the little things as she made the short trip to her home. Seeing it again made me cringe and excited at the same time. The house was run down, the paint peeling, the siding broken in places, and the stairs sagged too. It had good bones, but it was obvious that the landlord hadn’t given it any love. It had so much potential, if only someone made an effort to fix it up. I half wondered why Dad hadn’t done anything, but I knew he hadn’t been coping.

  It took a moment, but I saw him sitting in exactly the spot Annalise described—a seat in the shade of the big orange tree in the yard. He didn’t acknowledge us pulling up, just stared out to space in his own world.

  Anna saw my concern, murmuring quietly to me when she’d come around to the back of George. “He’s been there all morning. The only thing he does is fish from his boat or on the dock, sit there, or sleep. I have to force him to eat some days.” Elbowing me in the side, she smiled, lightening the mood. “Hey, you just got to put your junk in George’s trunk. How’d it feel to get lucky?”

  I cracked a grin and shook my head. “You’re insane. You know that, don’t you?” I pulled my bag out of the car and swung it over my shoulder. “And it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as putting my junk in a trunk should feel.”

  She and Dad both knew I was gay. Apart from my hookups, who I only ever used my middle name with, they were the only two people alive who I’d confided in.

  I pushed the thought aside. It wasn’t a big deal anymore. I wasn’t a pro snowboarder, and I didn’t have the spotlight on me either. The media circus had ended a while ago, thankfully, and because no one knew me here, maybe I’d be able to get out and have some fun.

  I squashed that thought as quickly as I had it. I was there for Annalise and the baby, not to get laid.